The Year of Just Getting By

It’s been a shitty week. Usually it’s just one or two things in the spotlight: am I eating right, did I get enough exercise, have I written so-and-so yet, how to pay off that hospital bill. I can deal with one or two. Maybe even three. This week, however, it was like every relational, financial, emotional and physical issue joined hands to form a unholy chorus line of chaos. To top it off, I’ve got a wicked cold that came out of nowhere. In a sick, twisted way, I was happy to be sick today. The NyQuil naps were an excuse to stay in and avoid dealing with anything, if just for a few hours.

Despite all this, I’m learning that joy can coexist with disappointment, sadness and frustration.  My family here in Florida continue to amaze me with their generosity and there aren’t enough words to explain how blessed I am to be related to them. My mom said it best in a recent phone call: “You moved to Florida in 2002 and inherited five sisters and a brother.”

They’re also part of the reason I’ve decided to stick to my original plan and stay here, instead of moving to Cleveland. More on that later. Thing is, this also means I still have stuff strewn across three states and I gave away most of what was left at my old place. So I’m starting over with very little. But what you leave behind you don’t need anyway, right? The transition hasn’t been easy and my cousins are a big — no — a major part of me getting through this.

There’s Tracy, who’s letting me live in her living room until I find permanent digs; her sister Collette, whose life is an example of perseverance under pressure, inspiring me to push through this mess; and Michael, who hasn’t changed his number even though I call him almost daily because talking to him is like therapy. And then there’s my cousin Kevin, who lives in D.C. We reconnected at my uncle’s funeral in April and his support for the journey I’m beginning means so much to me.

There’s a line in The Shack that I love about how most of our hurts come from broken relationships so it makes sense that our healing will be via healthy relationships. That’s certainly been the case for me, as it relates to family. Despite the current chaos, I can’t help but feel like I’m slowly rounding some invisible spiritual and relational corner and that things will be better, soon.